Homecoming, Part 2

What are my first impressions of the Philippines after more than 13 years of absence? First, a ride along the highway reveals that, despite the hard times, the Filipino people’s sense of fun and humor is alive and well. A big sign at the entrance of a karaoke bar reads: Chick Point—obviously not the normal military check point, although a smaller sign by the entrance asks patrons to “leave guns here.”

On the beaches of the world-famous Boracay Island, here’s a sampling of the Filipinos’ penchant for hilarity:  next to a full-body massage chair:  “Beware of falling coconuts”; a small hotel is called “Shore Time Hotel,” which I initially thought was kind of lame (“time by the shore” hotel, so what), until I was told by a local that just a few yards away is a bar where foreigners reportedly are known to pick up girls (and thus I suppose the need for “short time” accommodation).  The Barack mania has apparently also hit the shores of Boracay:  there’s the “Obama Grill” restaurant, which actually is not too far from the Shore Time Hotel.  There’s also a local guide book that offers a few common translations from English to Tagalog.  One entry that stood out:  balut (the Filipino delicacy used by American reality shows, such as Fear Factor, to gross out participants and the audience) is translated thus:  “partially developed duck fetus.”  They might as well have put down “aborted baby duck in all its juicy goodness (or grossness).”

The play of words has led me to wishful, mainly facetious, urges to start a business here, if only to come up with my own clever business name.  One came to mind:  a laundry service, with heavy-duty washing machines and dryers in one section and then an internet café with newspapers on the other side; I shall call it “Wash Happening?”

A second observation that has made an immediate impression is the low cost of goods and services, especially when converted to U.S. dollars and compared with prices in the States.  A 1-hour room-service full-body massage is only 350 pesos in Boracay—that’s around US$7.50, way cheaper than US$65 to US$120 in the U.S., which normally does not include the tip.  Tipping is not common here.

Want a haircut?  The higher-end hairdressers at the malls charge around 200 pesos (just over US$4 and still cheaper than Supercut’s US$14 deals for the most budget conscious in the States).  If you want the lowest prices, try one in the town market, where they charge 40 pesos (under US$1).

Buffets in Boracay are still about as cheap as I remember them when I visited in 2001.  They go as low as 250 pesos (a little over US$5).  In the States, one piece of shucked oyster (often unfrozen) can cost you a dollar or two.  Here, they’re really fresh, and unlimited amounts are included in the 250-peso buffet.  Oh, did I mention that the buffet comes with a live concert with an acoustic band playing an eclectic blend of pop and reggae music?  Beer is extra at around 35 to 70 pesos (75 cents to US$1.50).

My third immediate observation:  despite the tough times, people here are pretty cool.  Statistics indicate that majority of the people get by with less than US$2 a day, but life goes on and somehow people manage with great calmness and dignity.  I was riding a leg-powered tricycle one day and the kid driver was barely making the vehicle move as we drove up an elevated section of town.  On the way back, however, we were coasting so fast I had to fix my glasses to make sure it didn’t fly off.  The girl in the also speeding tricycle ahead of us was less proactive:  her baseball cap flew off.  As the cap landed on the road in front of us, my driver, without even slowing down, deftly scooped up the hat with his left foot, grabbed it with his left hand, and in one fell swoop put the cap on the roof of his tricycle.  The girl was already off the other tricycle as we headed in her direction, and as we whished passed her, she quickly grabbed her cap perilously perched on top of our tricycle.  Then I heard her matter-of-factly say, “Thank you.”  My driver gave her a nonchalant nod.

I don’t know.  Perhaps I’m too easy to please, but I thought the little stunt showed that Filipinos have more natural skills than the under US$2 per day that many get paid for.  As I got off the tricycle, I gave the driver 20 pesos (42 cents), almost three times the normal fare of 7 pesos.  I figure the struggle to go up one road earlier was worth it.  Besides, I was entertained by the baseball cap incident, although I didn’t want to appear too impressed and to make a big deal out of it—all in the spirit of being cool.

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